..aku dah ngaku yang aku ni mental disorder on my weight, baik aku cita je segala bagai perkara2 yang aku buat dulu pada ketika aku sakit mental pasal weight ni di tahap kritikal. Which was 2 years back.

  • I did calorie counting every single freaking day. Without miss! And I did limit myself to only 800 Kcal per day. Tahu tak, calorie intake for a woman is actually 1500-1800 Kcal per day? That means aku cut 50% of my calorie intake.
  • I know every single detail of berapa banyak calorie dalam makanan itu. I was a freak of calorie. Mcam sebijik telur ada 120 Kcal, Ayam goreng ada 400 Kcal etc. So aku boleh calculate calorie intake aku tu dalam kepala. But instead, I had a notebook in my handbag all the time to keep the calorie intake on track! And even worse, I had this online calorie counter yang siap ada bar chart bapa bnyk calorie aku amik and bakar setiap hari!
  • I went jogging twice a day. Early morning pukul 630 pagi (sebelum pergi kelas), and 630 ptg (after balik kelas). Aku jogging tak lama lah, dalam 30 mins for a session. But I did that every single day without miss! Ujan ke ribut petir ke, aku tetap jogging. Kalau katakan aku ter-miss sebab demam ke (ada la few times), aku akan qada’ balik pada esoknya. Maknanya esoknya aku jogging 3 sessions.
  • I walked to class everyday. Return oke! Bukan one way. Heh. It took me about 20 mins fast-walking from house to the university. Kalau lenggang kangkung adalah 30 min kot. Imagine lah, aku cuma ada 2 tiket bas dalam setahun (they used 10 punches in one ticket system, which valids for 2 hrs. Susah aku nak explain system ni. But cenggitulah). And the point is, betapa aku tak menggunakan kenderaan. Semuanya berjalan, just to make sure I burnt calorie sebanyak mungkin. Gi beli groceries pun jalan kaki jugak. Hoh gigih!
  • I never took proper lunch. Just makan green apple sahaja. Oh ye, i always had green apple dalam handbag. mana tau kot aku nak terpengsan sebab gila lapar kan. Adalah benda yang sihat utk dimakan. And green apple tu dah jadik macam makanan ruji aku. Kat rumah, sentiasa ada, tak pernah putus bekalan. Kadang-kadang aku mkn sandwich. Only wholemeal!
  • I did not take sugar at all! Aku hanya minum green tea dan air kosong sahaja. If I felt like having air kaler-kaler lain, I took it with ‘Equal’. Oh imitate sugar juga adalah perkara wajib ada dalam handbag. Mana tau kot aku meroyan nak minum manis, so taraaa – I used ‘Equal’.
  • I took proper dinner (Igt aku gila ke tak makan langsung. haha). But hanya lauk without rice. But it was only before 7pm. After pukul 7, aku dah tak makan dah. Orang kata, dinner lah patut tak makan kan, but to me it was different. I did treat dinner tu macam reward utk diri sendiri sebab sepanjang hari tu diet cam nak mati. Tapi, I made sure I watched the portion. And suma makanan sihat ya. No fried chicken ke hapa.
  • I went to party and social events, but I made sure aku dah kenyang sebelum pergi. Sebab i knew the fact that they served suma makanan tak sehat yang cheesy dan berpizza bagai. Kalau aku lapar, mesti aku bedal. Baik aku makan siap2 kat umah. So pergi ke sana hanya chill2 dan bersosial sahaja.
  • I did not munch on kudapan-kudapan ni suma. Kerepek ke hapa bagai tidak ada dalam kamus hiudp aku pada ketika itu.
  • And oh, I did eliminate carb like totally! Carb from buah2 and sayur je aku makan. Roti, nasi, pasta ke hapa, aku ban habes-habesan.

And that was 2 years back. Dan aku boleh mendisplinkan diri utk gaya hidup yang macam ni (which was somehow not healthy sangat?). And takda sapa condemn aku pun. It was not difficult, and I did not feel pressure sangat. Seriously. They sound hard huh, but after I got used to this kind of lifestyle, aku tak pernah rasa on strict diet ke hapa. Relax saja.

And I lost freakin 19kg in 7 months. Tidak ada Slimworld ke apa oke! Oh aku gemok gila sebelum tu sebab I was on medicine yang menyebabkan berat badan bertambah. Tu yang aku freak out macam gila meroyan tu. Menggelupur sepanjang hari fikir berat badan.Kira dilema lah, kena makan ubat, tapi gemok gila tak hengat. Mungkin sebab tu aku paranoid and bertekad utk kurus dengan cara yang sangat extreme. And maybe because of sangat extreme, it was hard to maintain (mcm yg selalu aku baca, kalau turun berat dengan cepat, maka naik pun akan cepat).

And apabila balik Mesia, segalanya gedebussh! Hancus! Yes, I am still a mental disorder person, tapi aku tak berjaya mendisplinkan diri macam dulu. Reasons? Oh terlalu banyak. I’ll list them later, some other day (which might be a good idea to remind myself camner kehidupan aku totally berubah bila balik sini ya). I bloooooody hate my lifestyle skrang. For real! Tak disiplin, bertekad  hidup sihat hanya utk seketika, then gedegang! Lebur dengan hanya kata-kata dan angan-angan kosong. Gosh.

Takut tak tgk ni? Aneroxic & bulimic. Urgh.

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